Germs, Warfare

Zeitgeisters,

Miss Pink is a bit thingo about cockroaches and mice. She doesn’t like them. I don’t mind mice so much, but I do hate filthy cockroaches. Most insects that make their way into my house, are free to do their thing, man, until they start bothering me. Then I find some way to return them to nature, Rex Hunt style (sans the smooching, natch).

But cockroaches must die! The thought of them dragging their filth over my crockery and flatware revolts me. Nonetheless, this doesn’t stop me from being a hypocrite and doing the boy-thing to stir up Miss Pink. I visualise in detail and aloud, mice queuing up to do a whiz into the twin-slot toaster; that kind of hilarity.

Strangely, though, her anti-cockroach and mouse stance – which is actually a by-product of how much she hates the thought of vermin adulterating what she eats – has been taken up by me. I actually have my toaster wrapped in plastic Laura-Palmer-style in order to keep it critter-free. And I took on Miss Pink’s use-by date phobia some years ago. Things are thrown out of the fridge days before the expiry date rather than days after, which used to be my M.O.

Last night, I walked into my clean kitchen and discovered three freakin’ cockroaches gathered on the floor. As if they were waiting for a fourth for a round of golf. As if they were a doo-wop group about to do a spot of harmonising.

It was, I’m afraid, a massacre.

I beat them down with what we Aussies like to call a “thong” (not what you think, Americans). Others might refer to this charming item of footwear as a flip-flop. Still others, raised in the Land of the Long White Cloud, might call this thing a jandal.

I took out two of the 'roaches. The third returned to its platoon.

Gah!

Mr Trivia

Yours, Mime and Ours

The Mal Fraser kids do "Luck Be A Lady Tonight"
from GUYS AND DOLLS.


Yo Zeities,

As y'all know I heart mime. I have been privileged in my job at Multimedia Dell'Arte to have quite a lot to do with the Spearwood Teatro Della Mimetica, as well as teaching mime and movement to the drama kids at Malcolm Fraser Senior High.

It has come to my attention that not everyone shares my love for the silent art. When the great Marcel Marceau rescued the art of mime and resurrected it for the 20th Century, he was doing the work of a Salk, a Magellan or an Aaron Sorkin.

If you see a little less of me blog-wise in early 2008, it's because I'll be writing a show for a friend's fund raiser - THE NIGHT HAS A THOUSAND MIMES: An Evening of Tap, A Capella and the Mimetic Arts. I've already thought of an opening, an a capella rendition of Billy Joel's WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE while the mime kids represent the peak events of the twentieth century and the tap kids dance through and around centre-stage representing the undulating infinite nature of time.

If you need reminding of that bold impressionistic history lesson from Joel's 1989 "Storm Front" album - here it is:

Buddy Holly, "Ben-Hur", space monkey, Mafia
hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

CHORUS
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Whew? makes you just tired thinking about it, huh? And it wasn't nice for him to refer to the great Yuri Gargarin and some kind of primate. The Russians were the first into space, Piano Man. Deal with it!

I think what I love about mime is the simple truth that can be encapsulated in a single, over-acted gesture. And truth like a really good quality bread, must be consumed once you have discovered it. Truth must be your ciabatta loaf, a fresh baguette, the croutons sprinkled on the consomme of mediocrity.

You KNOW what I'm sayin'.

Dig You Later,

Mr Triv.

I Was There For You

Zeitgeisters,

Okay, so FRIENDS is back, like every day at 7pm on Network 10. It was THE show of the 1990s; the one with Ross, Rachel, Chandra, Joanie, Monocle and Femur. Remember the great clothes. The zany hairstyles. And what about all those unforgettable episodes?

Who could not remember The Parking Nazi? Master and Commander of Your Domain? Junior Mints. Twinkies. The time where Chandra dropped his toothbrush in the toilet and wouldn’t kiss his girlfriend? And that other time when Ross married a lesbian and had her baby? And when Mr Carlson from WKRP in Upstate New York invited Joey and his friend Dudley to the bicycle shop after school, only it turned out that Mr Carlson was a Sicko Perv? And then Mrs C broke up with the Fonz and said, “They’re real and they’re spectacular”?

Great moments in television, friends. And every Tuesday night you and your real friends would have a FRIENDS party.And you would wait to see what that scheming bitch Amanda would come up with this time. And if anyone, like, called you during that time, it would show what a geek and total loser they were.

And the great theme song by the Del Fuegos or Hooti and The Blow Fish or whoever. “Respect yourself, bah bah, F*CK THE PO-LEECE! I’ll be there for you straight outta COMPTON!

Sure it wasn’t as funny as ROSEANNE, but it was more hip than DESIGNING WOMEN. Join with the Ten Network, and me every single day for the next year or so, as we watch some late twenty-something wannabes turn into late thirty-something millionaires.

Laugh ‘til you cry at the WASP version of SEINFELD. Remember all the great times you shared with your FRIENDS. It was the real show about nothing. The other one was only using that line as a marketing tool.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Dinner for 12

Zeitgeisters,

It’s time to take a stand and create a list of a dozen people, living or dead that I would invite to a dinner party. Looking down this guest list, I see that I have a definite bias towards artistic, English speakers. What a shock!

Here goes:


KIM NOVAK - American actress, born 1933, best-known for her role in Hitchcock’s Vertigo.


SOUPY SALES - American comedian and actor, born 1926.


CLARICE CLIFF - English ceramic artist born 1899, died 1972.


VIVIENNE WESTWOOD - English fashion designer, known for her influence on punk. Born 1941.


THEODORE CHIPMUNK - (pictured Right)An Animated American chipmunk. Not Alvin, nor Simon. Born 1958.


ED DEVEREAUX - Australian actor, best known for portraying Ranger Hammond in the Skippy tv series. Born 1925, died 2003.


BARRY BOSTWICK - American actor, singer, agony aunt, polymath, Renaissance man. Born 1945.


ELEANOR ROOSEVELT - author, civil rights campaigner, former First Lady of the United States. Born 1884, died 1962.


GRACE COSSINGTON SMITH - Australian Artist, born 1892, died 1984.


RICK ASTLEY - English singer and musician. Born 1966.


KERRI POTTHARST – Australian professional beach volleyballer, Olympic Gold Medallist, motivational speaker. Born 1965.


MIKHAIL GORBACHEV - Last General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Nobel Peace Prize winner. Born 1931.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Hail Prince Edward Island

Zeitgeisters,
I haven’t written about Prince Edward Island for nearly nine months now, long time readers know that I am fascinated by this Canadian Province known to the world as the setting of Anne of Green Gables. It’s not actually the book that peaks my interest as much as the idea of living somewhere that is really unknown to most people except in one unusual, specific way.

So, I randomly sent an email to a number of folks who live on PEI and asked them what was the best thing about living there. I got about a one quarter response rate (which I think is good) and was about to collate the responses, but these were lost due either to computer error or operator error or the effects of El Nino.

Then, a few days ago, I found the responses neatly stored away in an unexpected place on my hard drive. It’s a true Christmas miracle!

My thanks to all who responded. I appreciate greatly your taking the time to answer an Australian blog written by a semi-fictional character.

So here they are – better late than never

Mr Trivia

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hello there Mr. Trivia!

Nice to get an interesting email. We own Eternal Dragon
Tattoo in Charlottetown. Are you a tattoo fan? Your question is a little hard to answer because it is tough to pick one "best thing" about living in Prince Edward Island. My husband says "the white sand beaches that look like Mexico". One thing that is great about the beaches is that you never have far to go to find one! You can drive across the whole island tip to tip in about 6 hours. Most of the year anywhere you drive you will see picture perfect postcard views of rolling fields of red soil, beautiful beaches, fishing villages etc. I guess you just wanted a simple answer and I am getting carried
away so I will say that being near the ocean is my favorite thing about PEI. If you ever get a chance to visit....you should. I am sure you will love it here.

Cheers,

Evelyn and Mike Young

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Mr. Trivia,

Perhaps you are fascinated with PEI because your family are former
Islanders. In the 1800's and early 1900's many young Island men left for Austrailia. In my own family history, a branch of the Hume family moved to Austrailia in the mid 1800's. Anyway, what is the best thing about living on PEI you ask. To me it is the ability to never be more than 15 minutes from a beach, or beautiful bucolic setting; on the other hand if you are craving big city life for a weekend you can catch a direct flight to Toronto, Montreal or Boston.

Cheers! Hope you make it here sometime.

Richelle Hume-MacDonald

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hi Mr Trivia,

Checked out your blogs - some interesting and funny things there! If you go to my blog you will find a category labelled "Life on PEI". There you will find 6 posts that probably sum up how I feel about living on PEI.

Incidentally, I play trombone in Anne of Green Gables-The Musical, which has been running every summer for over 40 years at the Confederation Centre of the Arts in Charlottetown PEI - but then, you probably knew that already!

Cheers,
Dale Sorensen

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Good morning (evening) Mr Trivia,

Thank you for your email. As a former blogger and traveler, I can appreciate your interest.

It's not an easy question you ask! Particularly as we are still in the grasp of winter (the green grass that only yesterday became visible to us, is again being hidden by another spring snowfall as we speak).

But I digress... PEI is a fantastic place. We have the most incredible
beaches anywhere. Perhaps you have discovered this fact already, but it's one of my favourites: PEI is entirely made of sandstone. We have no natural rock on the island. Our soil is naturally full of iron, leaving us dramatic red coast lines and beaches. It also permits the growth of the best potatoes you'll ever eat!

If you're a shellfish lover, that's another reason to live here on its own!
Our lobster & blue mussels are world famous - unfortunately I don't have a taste for either...

To me the best part of PEI is the sense of community that still exists. It's very rare that you go anywhere without running into someone you know. Charities are important. If a family is in need (due to illness, tragedy, house fire, etc) a "Benefit" night is always held by the community to raise money for them, no questions asked.

The funereal homes are some of the most social places in town! Everyone goes to the 'wake' to show respect to the family, and enough food is brought to feed an army for a month.

But PEI is far from perfection. There is a lot of old-school mentality and fear of the unknown. Wages are significantly lower than western provinces, causing a brain drain of young talent. Small businesses are losing out to box stores. Volunteer organizations are dying off as members age.

We have made some important strides though. We are home to the College of Piping & Celtic Arts - the best of its kind in North America. The Culinary Institute of Canada is also here, producing the best chefs in the country. Community Theatre is strong and professional theatre is growing. When our Canadian Forces Base closed almost 20 years ago, we are on of the few Canadian communities to have thrived in the aftermath. The base is now home to a booming aerospace market.

So... after all that, did I answer your question? PEI is a unique place; a strange paradox of old & new; one giant oxymoron. As a 26 year-old female who has spent recent years living & travelling abroad, I've come to love the Island for all the same reasons I need to seek regular escape from it. Its routine familiarity can easily become mundane; its community stifling.

Apologies for my rambling - it’s been awhile since I have used my own blogs as an outlet…

Best of luck in your PEI quest. Please let me know if I can be of any
further assistance.

Kind regards,

Rebecca Rogers

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hi Mr Trivia,

We've been having a busy week here trying to keep the Cadre from being taken over by an independent society intent on cutting our staff in half and making us a monthly arts and entertainment magazine.

Well, we won, and the paper is going to be stronger than ever because of it.

As far as what I love about the island...the summer here is phenomenal, absolutely gorgeous. There's nothing like setting up a tent on the beach and being woken up by the sunrise to the sound of waves crashing just 15 feet away.

I also find the people here to be pretty amazing...you've got a population that's almost 70% over the age of 60, and it causes our younger population to be extremely well-rounded and dynamic. A lot of weird people, but hearts of gold.

Let me know if you'd like anything else from us, pictures, that sort of thing. Nice to know someone's interested in our little rock!

Cheers,

Rob Walker
Editor in Chief
The Cadre Newspaper
University of Prince Edward Island

The Christmas Box

Zeitgeister(s),

If you have the good fortune to be in Perth, Western Australia, on December the 25th then you could be enjoying temperatures of 38 degrees Celsius (approx 100 degrees Fahrenheit). At some point in this emotionally fraught, tiring day of good cheer, family and over-indulgence, you are likely to sit down in front of the cathode ray tube;and we are here to help our fellow Perthites.

Although on this blog and the accompanying site, we tend to be relentlessly opposed to so-called free-to-air, so-called commercial television, at this time of Peace on Earth and Good Will to All, we believe it best to dial down the curmudgeonly-ness.

So join with us as we point out those Christmas gems that can be dug from the otherwise barren earth of Free To Air telly (commercial and non).

Seven Network

Starting with our friends on the commercial Networks, this year’s undoubted king of the ratings, the Seven Network, has a glittering range of options.

Our attention is peaked at 2.20pm with TABALUGA AND LEO: A CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE. If you have never enjoyed the animated adventures of Tabaluga the 'dragon', tune in to see this poorly designed, badly written cartoon character and try to forget his maddening, terrible theme song. THAT 70’s SHOW has a Christmas edition, they usually hit more than they miss and that will set you up beautifully for THE AUSTRALIAN DANCESPORT CHAMPIONSHIPS at 7.30. Hosted by Sonia Kruger sans Daryl, this might not usually be your cup of tea, but it will be a dazzling spectacle of skill and co-ordination and won’t end with a sappy Christmas message.

Nine Network

Clearly, the national Nine Network hearts North American comedy with a solid block of not-so-solid laughs, broken only by ten minutes of the QUEEN’S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE at the family friendly timeslot of 11.55pm. However the yukkety-yuks start much earlier with a faux royal - THE KING OF QUEENS at 7.00; this is followed by crazy Clark Griswold in NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION at 7.30 and then get out your hankies for YOU’VE GOT MAIL. This Nora Ephron directed flick has been seen as a re-tread of SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, however, it is actually a better flick, done with more edge and skill than Sleepless.


Ten Network

If you enjoyed Jim Carrey’s portrayal of Dr Seuss’s THE GRINCH, then here is your chance to enjoy it again at a seasonally appropriate time - it’s on at 2pm. The family pick of the day has to be Chris Noonan's BABE at 5.30 pm. A kids' movie that adults like just as much, the little porkers are very cute and you will be entertained, rather than revolted. An hour of Yule-themed SIMPSONS precedes THE PANEL’S CHRISTMAS WRAP at 8.30pm. This unrehearsed, ramshackle affair is really not the Working Dog folks at their best, but I read in the weekend papers that the show makes half a million annually for charity – so it's culturally appropriate AND its heart is in the right place.

SBS

The SBS has a rather kick-arse Japanese double with Miyazaki’s HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE at 9.15 followed by GODZILLA FINAL WARS at 11.20. If memory serves, the rubber suit monsters give the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House quite a pounding (seriously!)


ABC-TV

For Natural History Buffs, Aunty has a doco about actual reptiles, DRAGONS ALIVE followed by another ep.of the rather entertaining MONARCHY. Then it all takes a tumble with the absolutely crap of LADETTE TO LADY an English ‘reality’ program, which is the cultural counterpart to the brain-dead AUSTRALIAN PRINCESS.

Access 31

The long-running movie review show FLICKTEASE and the agony aunt series SWEET AND SOUR both have Christmas editions. These very Western Australian shows should help to scratch the local itch, that Perthites might be feeling on this scorching hot Christmas Day. TIME WITH JON follows at 9pm. If you haven’t seen any of this Perth-based talk show, then you’re in for a treat. Jon Lewis, the host, is a true original.


Tidings of Comfort & Joy

Mr Trivia

You're Talking Nuts!

Zeitgeisters,

It’s the day before Christmas Eve and some of you, like myself, are enjoying a deserved rest today. Others of you are being exploited by our capitalist system and you’re working like dogs while The Man lights his cigar with a hundred dollar bill. He ‘made’ that money through the sweat of your brow. Rise up brothers and sisters and throw off the chains of your oppression!

Capture the Means of Production!
Overturn the Apparatus of The State!
Destroy the Institutions of the Establishment!

Begin the Glorious Workers’ Revolution and launch an age of peace, prosperity and true Socialist Democracy!

Smash the State!
Smash the State!
Smash the State!

And scene…

My brother and I hit the stores early on Saturday morning to finish our Christmas Shopping. We were done by ten-thirty, apart from two* items. One of these was a bag of assorted nuts, still in their shells. You may recall that we are giving our parents a nutcracker and bowl for Christmas.

Two hours (and coffee and toast) later we found the nuts at the Station Street Markets in Subiaco/Jolimont and bought them from Habib (or so the sign said). I would like nothing more than for readers of this ‘blog to let us know where there are good supplies of fresh almonds, hazelnuts, Brazil nuts and the like, because on Saturday, when we needed to find ‘em , we were at a loss.

I felt there should be a store called NUTS QUA NUTS and suggested to my brother that we could start one; we would stock all kinds of nuts and nut-cracking implements. Just to digress for a moment, I was at a gathering recently, and the question of nut order came up again. I say again because I was at a wedding a couple of years ago, when a similar conversation happened. Some of the same characters were involved at both of these epoch-making discussions. I may have been one of them.

You see, I am among that group that can’t consider a Top 5 of Nuts without the macadamia. However some would place the pistachio or even the pine nut in their Top 5 of Nuts and leave the macadamia out, all together. There is no accounting for taste.

At NUTS QUA NUTS we would stock every nut known, except the peanut. And there would be a large warning label on everything we sold, “May Contain Traces of Nuts.”

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Super Powers - What The?!

Captain Puce puts down another rebellion
and keeps democracy safe from "the people".


Zeitgeisters,

I was reading another blog (I felt dirty but there you have it), and the blogger mentioned what super powers he had always wanted to have. Other contributors chimed in. (Who needs contributors dammit!? I love being a one-man band with my little obsessions - Barry Bostwick, Interrobangs...I know you're out there people - like the nitrogen that makes up most of the air we breathe - you're out there.)

And suddenly I thought - super powers - PAH! Puerile nonsense. When will we get over the infantile fantasy of having amazing abilities so we can live our lives at some advantage over others?

Who the f*ck needs super f*ckin' powers? Wouldn't it be COOL if we could fly? Wouldn't it be GREAT if we could be invisible? Blah Blah Wah Wah!

Wouldn't it be freakin' great if we could get along with our bloody noisy neighbours and deal with the fact that we hate our f*ckin' jobs and every f*ckin' morning when we wake up, we are overwhelmed with a feeling of f*ckin' ENNUI or freakin' TRISTESSE and we can barely drag our bodies to the shower to begin our POINTLESS F*CKIN' DAY!

Whew! It's great to vent isn't it?

I just don't think we're evolved enough to deal with the emotions and responsibilities we do have. Imagine US Vice Prez Dick Cheney with MORE POWER? Look at what he's acheived as a second banana with a bum ticker. We need him to be omnipotent like the world needs another Hilton sister.

But if I were to play the "what super power would you have" game - I think my loved ones, all my many friends and my multitude of fans and readers would agree that I already have a super power - my amazing humility.

Elevate the Insignificant

Mr Trivia

P.S. I might also like to be called Captain Ennui, Tristesse Man or Asterisk Censortron

Zeitgeisters In Trouble

Well Folks,

According to a friend of mine, Dave, I'm committing a German faux pas by calling you Zeitgeisters. Dave, originally from Western Australia, now lives in Zurich and has been learning Swiss-German for the last five years.

He sent the following note, re: my standard blog greeting:

Hi Mr Trivia,

I'm not sure what I'm getting for Xmas but i know what you are getting from me: A mini German lesson (I bet you were not expecting that).# Dave's - Weihnachten Deutsch Lektion 1

It is:
Der Geist (The Ghost/Spirit) singular
Die Geister (The Ghosts/Spirits) plural

Der Zeitgeist (The Time/Age-of Ghost/Spirit) singular
Die Zeitgeister (The Time/Age-of Ghosts/Spirits) plural

So you should start your mails with:

Greetings Zeitgeister,
By putting an "s" at the end you are adding an english conjugation to an already conjugated word.

You could go 1 little step further and say for the Kaiser:

Grüß Zeitgeister,

I hope those special characters show up for you in 8 point Helvetica:
They should - Helvetica is a Germanic font.
Grüß/Gruess - pronounced: groos - (like goose) is Greetings in german.

We could also argue that:

Greetings Zeitgeists,
..is also possibly acceptable considering the quasi german/predominantly English context of your emails.

I end this lesson with "Raum Geist"

# End of Lesson 1.

Have a nice one.

Dave.

I could change the way I do things, but somehow I feel I will remain stubbornly incorrect, although a little better informed.

Regards,

Mr Trivia

Ask Mr Trivia Returns!

Heads Up Zeitgeisters!

After a protracted legal battle of fictional proportions, our good buddy Barry Bostwick returns to answer your questions and help with your cares and woes in Ask Mr Trivia.

A Victoria Park Pisces asks Barry what her dream means. Click here to find out more!

Mr Trivia

Mr Bay Blocker

Zeitgeisters,

I was at a servo on Canning Highway earlier this week and as I walked out after paying for my fuel, I had to walk around some d*cksnap who parked his Toyota SUV and trailer right across the front entrance. He managed to effectively block four empty parking spaces - and one of them was the disabled bay.

I watched the driver as I was getting into my car. He was just wandering around, checking out the drinks cabinet. He didn't seem to be in any rush. Parking frontwise in a bay was obviously not an option, because the trailer would have obstructed traffic, but his solution was to inconvenience everyone else.

He had one option, which was to park further away at the side of the servo and inconvenience himself with a walk of perhaps fifteen seconds longer duration.

But I took action, I put a special Mr Trivia curse on him. Without giving too much away, my people are known for their occult powers. I cursed Mr Bay Blocker with having to wait in a queue of no fewer than three people at any bank, Medicare office or discount tyre outlet for the next twelve months.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Samosas 3

Zeitgeisters,

Be careful what you declare in a blog, it could come back at you faster than you think.

Miss Pink and I were at the Woodbridge Tavern in Guildford on Sunday night for a Battle of The Bands Comp. We were there to support Avatar who magnificently took out second place - the outright winners were The Vans.

Just after we arrived, we did a shuffle around a table looking for a place to sit. The table had family, girlfriends, band-member's mates, uni mates and assorted crew seated around it. As we sat in this liminal social space, Miss Pink was offered a samosa or possibly samosi. She declined on our behalf and mentioned that I had blogged on this subject (Christmas samosas). She kinda shouted this over the top of one of the bands, and I hoped this news was being whipped away in a sonic vortex of chords and beats.

Why? Because people have the idea that bloggers are opinionated nerds (I know!). And I need a little less background noise to describe to people the literary-salon-like ambience that surrounds this very blog you are reading now.

But I digress. I had indeed said - nay, blogged on The Internet - that this Christmas season, I would consume no samosas or deep fried entree treats. I thought about this as I looked down at those horrific triangular parcels of greasy joy lying on their pretentious square plate. Suddenly I was glad to be blog-quoted, while indie music swirled about my person. Miss Pink was on the ball.

Wanna keep your New Year's resolutions in 2008? Blog about it and tell your partner.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Christmas Blitz

Zeitgeisters,

My brother and I checked the Yuletide catalogues. We decided that Dad needed a cheese board with cutting arm and that Mum needed assorted teas. Our parents are a little hard to buy for, so we chose these items based on sketchy memories like, "I think Dad sorta likes cheese," and "Mum doesn't absolutely hate tea."

We sped down the freeway to a place called Bull Creek (The Dog Swamp of the southern suburbs.) There we went to an amazing modern edifice designed to enhance and focus the shopping experience - a shopping “centre” I believe it’s called.

We went to a large store which sold homewares, shiny electronic gadgets and useless clutter. This shop was identifiable by a red circular logo resembling a target.

Every other clueless offspring in the vicinity of Leeming-Willetton had the same idea re: the cheese board. The store had therefore had run out. My bro’ and I didn't like the look of the teas. Improvising brilliantly, the sibs decided to buy a large bowl for holding nuts that also came with built in nutcracker. And a teapot - because Mum doesn't absolutely hate tea.

The best part? We conceived and executed this mission all within sixty minutes on a Thursday night. It was mint - actually it was mintox*

Ding Dong Merrily on High,

Mr Trivia

P.S. We plan to bolster the nutcracker combo and teapot with an assortment of nuts and teas from our local specialty food provender.

P.P.S. More on *mintox, very soon.

A Duck and a Scotsman Part 2

Just in case you missed it in the comments section, my trivia nemesis Kwylo wrote

"Blog Snap, but I win by a good two hours."

Click here to discover why Kwylo is giving himself props.

Mr Trivia

A Duck and a Scotsman

Zeitgeisters,

I was talking to a work mate Ryan (name changed) the other day and, by way of friendly conversation, I referred to him as a ‘pantsman’ this was part of another longer conversation not suitable for these PG-13 blog entries) .

He insisted that for a few months this year, whenever he typed into his mobile phone, “Come to the Scotsman” (The Flying Scotsman – famed Mount Lawley watering hole) to any of his friends, it would be rendered, thanks to predictive text, “Come to the Pantsman”.

Ryan is a pretty good storyteller and that’s a pretty good story. He also said that Perth, our beloved hometown, would be predictively-rendered “Servy” which is not funny at all, so perhaps he is telling it true.

My own favourite predictive text sentence is “Enjoy the Crispy Duck”.

Thank you, I got a million of them.

Mr Trivia

Porter Reports

Hola Guys,

Mr Trivia, said I could write a little sumpthin’ in this space ‘cos it’s comin’ up to Christmas and all!

I think it’s super-keen and neat how he lets me do stuff that doesn’t cost him nothin’ in time or money! Like when we go to the store he let’s me sit on those little rides – you know the ones made of fibreglass like a little police-car or maybe a horse or sumpthin’. You put a coin in and it moves.

Only Mr Trivia never puts in no money. So I sez, “Why no money in the kiddie ride you cheap bastard?” And he says, “A wooden boy on a plastic horse can only truly seek stillness.” I don’t really get it, but it sounds kinda profound. He says a lot of things like that because he went to hi-falutin’ University back in the 1980s.

Not that I had time for higher education. I was an advertising copywriter in 1985. I also had something to do with inventing that little cord you could buy to hold your sunglasses around your neck. It was my idea to make it day-glo.

And for a while I had jobs in kids telly. I was a writer on MULLIGRUBS for a year, then I got promoted to make-up department on WOMBAT – it was me who gave the Blakeney twins their distinctive ‘look’. Then I went over to CARTOON CONNECTION where I was Agro’s fluffer for two years. This mostly involved keeping his cheap brand of synthetic fur dry and static free.

One of the great lessons I learned on kids telly is that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I hope Picasso, Eco, Nitro and the other one remember that when things get tough on Channel Nine’s The Shak.

Merry Christmas Gang!

Porter Thorrity

Champagne For My Real Friends

Zeitgeisters,

I must make mention yet again of Crackbook as Facebook is affectionately known.

Facebook is 2007. It's now. It's today! Yesterday, myspace was Facebook and one day soon Facebook will be a ghost town that even the tumbleweed will avoid. Social Networking. Getting worried about how many Facebook friends one has. An acquaintance of mine pointed out that I didn't have very many Facebook friends. I have 90 plus. Some of my actual friends have 200 plus.

I am happy with my modest group ("Sure, Mr Trivia that's what a no-mates loser would say"). I don't have 90 people whom I would call a friend in real life. My job puts me into contact with many people that I am friendly with and most of them are lovely, witty folks who know way too much about popular culture.

But if you define a friend as someone who will share your woes, lend you money in a pinch and can see through your carefully tailored social costume and yet still accept you, then I don't have anywhere near 90 of these.

Some people are popular. This is in not always the same as having a lot of friends. That's part of the trick of Facebook. It conflates the idea of friendship and popularity and treats two things as a single social phenomenon. Facebook (and other social networking sites and applications) take the notion of "friend" and brands it for the purpose of making money.

And that's cool; we're all capitalists since the Berilin Wall came down.

Let me leave you with something I have circulated on Facebook. I'm pretty sure Mr Sebastian hasn't seen it. Maybe we could get it to him somehow; using the power of six degrees of separation.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Secret Santa Etiquette

Zeitgeisters,

At workplaces all over Australia – nay, the world – there will be Secret Santas or Kris Kringels in the coming two weeks; two names for the same quaint workplace ritual. It's where one secretly pick a co-worker's names out of a hat and buy that person a gift - up to a certain agreed upon value. The point is to be creative and buy within the price limit and to not admit it was you who bought the gift for the giftee.

At Media Dell’Arte this year our price limit was doubled from five to ten dollars. Last week we had the Secret Santa exchange at our annual Christmas lunch. In years past, there have been controversial presents that led to recriminations (sometimes lasting a whole twelve months). If the gift is a little vague or inappropriate then that can lead to all kinds of speculation as to the actual meaning of the gift and the identity of the giver. Frankly, I believe this harms workplace relations and cuts into valuable drinking and merriment time.

However, if you really want to dent workplace relations, do what I did.

However for dramatic purposes, I must flashback before we continue. This year I’m a little strapped for cash, so I have to make cuts. For example, recently I was found a great Secret Santa gift and strongly considered buying it for myself, but instead bought it for my intended giftee.

I was seized by a “pay-it-forward” mood. Deny myself this gift, I thought, and give it to one who might enjoy it more than I would. I found myself to be very noble for having these sentiments. And I was saving money. My co-worker Big Red will confirm all of this, if asked.

So flash forward to the Secret Santa lunch. My noble gift had been given and it went over okay. And I had received my gift – goggle eyeglasses – you know, the glasses frames with the eyes hanging out on springs.

After the drinking had gone on for about two hours, one of my co-workers took a liking to these, so I suggested that she could have them as a gift from me.

Yes, some of you are way ahead of me at this point. I was all glistening and Yuletide-y with my Pay It Forward 'tude and my Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All.

But I didn't think about the person who had bought this particular gift, I was actually re-gifting it right under her very nose. Pretty recklessly gutsy, eh? That’s the kind of guy I am.

And I know it was a she who bought the gift, because she ‘fessed up immediately after my generous act and let me know that she had actually spent more than the Secret Santa price limit. She took it quite well, I must say. Better than me, anyway. Hence this confessional blog.

Later that evening I received a mysterious MMS. It was my Secret Santa re-gift, lying there on a pub table. It was all a little sinister.

Mind how ye go in the next two weeks Kris Kringellers – and learn from my tale.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

Samosas 2

Zeitgeisters,

As discussed below, I have some things to say about samosas.

It’s Silly Season; the lead up to Christmas here in the Southern Hemisphere. And for some reason, during this time of public and work gatherings, party hosts wish to serve up samosas. I’ve made the decision that this Christmas period, that I will refuse all samosas and even mini spring rolls. If something is offered up to me on a plate by a waitperson, that item cannot be deep-fried.

If I did consume these oily treats, I would have a hard time making it through this warm Southern Hemisphere Yuletide. So, Anything from a mini-quiche down, I can scoff. (Okay *Miss Pink?)

Merry Christmas!

Mr Trivia

*PS Miss Raspberry Beret has reverted to her name Miss Pink.

Crackbook & Marty

Zeitgeisters,

I‘ve admitted to a minor Facebook addiction in these pages. But if anything will cure that, it’s questionable applications like the “Which Hollywood Director Are You” quiz.

The quiz offers a series of not very challenging questions like “What’s Your Scene? – Bars, Sports, Clubs, Outdoors or Music”; after doing 10 vague multip;e choice questions like these, I hit the submit button, only to receive the news that I was 45% like Martin Scorsese. I was mercifully 0% like Steven Spielberg, but if you’d ever met me, you’d know I am actually NOTHING like the director of Taxi Driver, Goodfellas and The Aviator. Scorsese is the fast-talking, enthusiastic movie expert whose visceral, violent flicks have explored the American male psyche for a generation. Me? I enjoy watching the Gilmore Girls.

If I’m like any of the choices on offer in this quiz, then I bear some resemblance to the nerdly Steven Soderbergh. The slack questions lead to a 2% match with this director, so I could tell right there that the whole set-up was screwy. I'm sure Steve is an avid follower of the antics of Rory and Lorelei Gilmore in Stars Hollow.

I meet a number of filmmakers at Media Dell’Arte, where I work, and I think 99% of them would resemble Scorsese, if you asked them the same loosely-worded questions.

As much as I have enjoyed Scorsese’s work previously (Raging Bull would make my Top 10) I am a little disappointed with his latest outing. A short bit of blah called the Key to Reserva (check it out here or here). Basically it’s a commercial for wine done in the style of a Hitchcock film. It is presented as a real ‘behind the scenes’ film showing what Scorsese would do if he found some unfilmed Hitchcock script pages. Parts of it are very well done, but in the end I found it hard not to feel, meh – why’d you bother with this ad, Marty?

Pastiche and or homage always feels like a tremendous waste of energy and resources to me. The Key to Reserva is in a similar category to Baz Luhrmann’s ludicrous (and well-paying) Chanel No.5 commercial with Nicole Kidman. Luhrmann seemed to be pastiching himself in that one and it’s hard to say if that’s better or worse.

For some reason I am not judgemental about Scorsese’s very amusing American Express commercial.

So, providing that I’m entertained, that makes rampant commercialism and hocking one’s name for a product, acceptable, I guess.

Hmm.

Mr Trivia

Samosas

Here....


Zeitgeisters,

Please note that for a few days this entry had no picture and only the enigmatic "here" (as written above). This lead to a mighty outcry from the...ahem..readership and I responded to this in the entry "Samosas 2"

I have left this original entry in this half-baked (or perhaps half-fried)state because like many creative types these days, I am infatuated with the idea of process, build-logs and behind-the-scenes documentation. Let's face it, talking about the how and the why is so much more satisfying than the outcome.

Mona Freakin' Lisa - pah! Leonardo and the Lady - the six part video-diary and process journal of an artist at work. So much more interesting than a tiny painting behind bullet-proof plastic at the Louvre.

Wait? Have I digressed?

Yes.

Mr Trivia

Can Crime Be Cured?

Zeitgeisters,

My fellow Australians, this went out on American wire services yesterday. I stumbled across it again and again.

Thieves Steal 17 Tons of Christmas Ham
Dec 2nd, 2007 | SYDNEY, Australia -- Thieves stole 17.6 tons of ham and bacon from a warehouse and left behind a message busting the owners' chops, police said Monday.

"Thanks," the crooks daubed on a wall of the Zammit Hand and Bacon curers warehouse in suburban Sydney. "Merry Christmas."

Police said the robbery occurred some time between late afternoon Saturday and dawn Sunday.

Owner Anthony Zammit said that when he arrived for work Monday he found a hole in a wall of the building where the thieves appeared to have entered. The stolen meat was worth up to $88,000, he said.

This is how we get noticed by the world, people; strange, Ripley’s-Believe-It-Or-Not style crime stories.

Incidentally the small goods are said to have a street value of over a million dollars when cut with polony or devon. Police are confident of finding the criminals responsible and will charge them with bacon and entering.

Sorry.

Mr Trivia

Eavesdropping

Zeitgeisters,

I was at my local video store yesterday and I overheard two brothers, one around 11 and the other about 9 discussing Ben Cousins' “Such Is Life" torso-tattoo. The youngest kid was convinced that it would be much cooler if it said, “Much is Life” His older brother wasn’t so sure. “Much is Life? And the younger kid said, “Yeah – life is much.”

Two girls maybe around fourteen were looking through the range of DVDs. One girl had clearly seen just about all of them, the other seemed like she might be from a religious order of some kind. The conversation drifted over to me at this point.

Girl 1: And the man wants to find this girl and then he finds her.
Girl 2: What about this one?
Girl 1: It’s good. It’s a comedy. What about this?
Girl 2: What is it?
Girl 1: Charlie’s Angels.
Girl 2: What’s it about?

There was a short pause which sounded like, “Come on, Charlie’s Angels!” But she went on patiently,

Girl 1: It’s about girls who are spies. And they have fights, lots of action.

I’d like to add that I don’t usually eavesdrop on my fellow video store punters, but these kids just couldn’t use their inside voices. Noisy young whippersnappers.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia